DEAR AMY: I recently had a reunion with two high school friends. We all met up at a lovely hotel and went to dinner at a nice restaurant.
One friend did not bring a sweater, so I lent her one of my favorite sweaters. She never wore it. It sat in her bag, and then she returned it to me.
I noticed the next morning that the sleeve was chewed up, as if a zipper had crossed over it.
When I got back home, I sent her a brief e-mail describing the damage and asking if she would kindly replace it. She denied that it was her fault and said she was insulted that I would ask a friend to replace it.
I bought a new sweater and sent her a copy of the receipt. A month has gone by with no word from her.
Can this friendship be saved? We live 3,000 miles apart, and I rarely get a call or letter.
â€" FRUSTRATED
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because you didn't witness this damage take place, the kindest thing is to assume the sweater was damaged in transition.
Regardless of what happened, the friendship won't be repaired until you figure out what's really important. Sweaters don't matter. People matter.
If this friendship was good before this incident (you don't seem to think it was), it can be good again, but only after you apologize for forcing the issue in such a clunky, unkind way.
DEAR AMY: I have a story for "second chance Tuesday." My do-over happened when I was a young woman. I was headed down a terrible path with a baby to raise. I was being irresponsible and hanging around the wrong people.
A social worker helped me find the right path. It took months, but she never gave up on me. I was encouraged to pursue an associate's degree. She helped me with housing, food and schooling. She even helped keep my daughter in diapers.
Little by little I got it together. I am now a nurse and my daughter is a college student. She is a fine young woman and I am proud. But I know we had a lot of help, and I am grateful for it.
â€" NURSE AND MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: Professional social workers are the unsung heroes of many young lives, and they seldom get the credit they deserve. Your inspiring "second chance" is posted â€" with others â€" on my website: www.mysecondchancestories.com.
• "Ask Amy" is written by Amy Dickinson. You can send questions to askamy@tribune.comor by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
One friend did not bring a sweater, so I lent her one of my favorite sweaters. She never wore it. It sat in her bag, and then she returned it to me.
I noticed the next morning that the sleeve was chewed up, as if a zipper had crossed over it.
When I got back home, I sent her a brief e-mail describing the damage and asking if she would kindly replace it. She denied that it was her fault and said she was insulted that I would ask a friend to replace it.
I bought a new sweater and sent her a copy of the receipt. A month has gone by with no word from her.
Can this friendship be saved? We live 3,000 miles apart, and I rarely get a call or letter.
â€" FRUSTRATED
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because you didn't witness this damage take place, the kindest thing is to assume the sweater was damaged in transition.
Regardless of what happened, the friendship won't be repaired until you figure out what's really important. Sweaters don't matter. People matter.
If this friendship was good before this incident (you don't seem to think it was), it can be good again, but only after you apologize for forcing the issue in such a clunky, unkind way.
DEAR AMY: I have a story for "second chance Tuesday." My do-over happened when I was a young woman. I was headed down a terrible path with a baby to raise. I was being irresponsible and hanging around the wrong people.
A social worker helped me find the right path. It took months, but she never gave up on me. I was encouraged to pursue an associate's degree. She helped me with housing, food and schooling. She even helped keep my daughter in diapers.
Little by little I got it together. I am now a nurse and my daughter is a college student. She is a fine young woman and I am proud. But I know we had a lot of help, and I am grateful for it.
â€" NURSE AND MOTHER
DEAR MOTHER: Professional social workers are the unsung heroes of many young lives, and they seldom get the credit they deserve. Your inspiring "second chance" is posted â€" with others â€" on my website: www.mysecondchancestories.com.
• "Ask Amy" is written by Amy Dickinson. You can send questions to askamy@tribune.comor by mail to: Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
